Season 5: Succeeding with Your New Year’s Resolutions
You’ve probably set New Year’s resolutions in the past only to bail on them a few weeks in. Am I right? I know I’ve done that—a lot!
And because of my history of failure, when I do set goals for myself, fear and self-doubt immediately begin creeping in and consuming my thoughts.
And since our thoughts create feelings which drive our actions and our actions determine our results…no wonder I sabotage myself before I even give myself time to make any progress.
But what I’ve learned in my coach training has given me new hope. I’m excited to start 2019 with some big (even scary) goals because I now have the tools to succeed.
Today in the podcast I’m kicking off Season 5 which is dedicated to teaching you the skills to help you crush your goals this year.
Today, we are going to focus on making sure we are setting the right New Year’ Resolutions (or goals). Here’s the questions we’ll be tackling today:
- Does anyone actually keep their resolutions?
- What’s the difference between a NY’s Resolution and a Goal? Which one is better?
- Why do I start out with such enthusiasm only to abandon my resolutions before the end of February?
- How can make sure I don’t quit on my resolutions?
ABOUT THESE SHOW NOTES
Time codes are in the brackets so you can jump to a particular spot if you want to review something specific.
And since I know there may be times when you would prefer to read the content rather than listen, I’ve provided text below. It is not an exact transcript but it provides you the essentials.
Does anyone actually keep their resolutions?
[2:28]
So my short answer to the question, “Does anyone actually keep their New Year’s Resolutions?” is, yes. According to the experts at the research institute Statistic Brain, 9% of people who set New Year’s Resolutions actually kept them.
And for the 91% who failed to reach their desired outcome, they likely quite before the end of February. (One statistic I saw was that 80% of resolutions fail by mid-February.)
And based on what I’ve learned, I think there are 6 reasons why we fail to keep our resolutions:
- Setting the wrong resolutions/goals
- Unprepared for the inevitable obstacles
- Relying on willpower
- Using current and past thinking to try to get new results
- Letting our emotional child run the show
- Quitting instead of learning from our mistakes and failures and pressing on
And so the next six episodes are going to tackle these problems and arm you with the knowledge and practical application tips, tools and strategies so you can be in that 9% and achieve what you set out to accomplish in 2019!
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A RESOLUTION AND A GOAL?
[4:45]
Most of us use the terms interchangeably, but there actually is a difference. Resolutions tend to be vague whereas goals, if they are set correctly, are specific and measurable.
Whatever you call it, your desired outcome needs to be stated in such a way that you can actually tell when you have reached it.
So, instead of I want to be healthier, you want to drill down into what exactly that means to you. What metrics are you using to determine your quality of health? Is it your cholesterol, your blood sugar levels, levels of inflammation, your weight, the distance you can walk or run in a set amount of time?
In episode 4, I shared my B-SMART system for setting your goals. So if you want some help crafting your resolutions into specific and time bound goals, you’ll want to check out that episode and grab the step-by-step guide I made for you.
Michael Hyatt also has a great podcast episode that goes into a lot of detail about what he considers to be the difference between a New Year’s Resolution and a goal. So if you want to dive in deeper, check out his episode by clicking here.
WHY DO I START WITH ENTHUSIASM BUT THEN BAIL OUT SO QUICKLY?
[7:58]
There are several reasons. But they all are powered by our survival instincts. We are created with survival instincts based on the motivational triad:
- seek pleasure
- avoid pain
- conserve energy
Change, even when we consciously want it, causes discomfort and requires effort. So we are working against our innate survival instincts.
And your primitive brain will freak out and tell you that you are going to die if you continue on this path. We don’t actually say that in so many words to ourselves, but that is what we sense.
Here are a few reasons why we start strong but bail quickly. Notice how each of these is rooted in the way our motivational triad works against us when it comes to following through on our New Year’s Resolutions.
You’re Setting the Wrong Resolutions
[10:50]
If you set a goal that conflicts with another goal, a core value, or one of your most important desired lifetime outcomes, you will unconsciously sabotage your efforts to reach that goal.
In Episode 26, I talked about how to determine your top 5 desired life outcomes. These serve as guiding principles for your decision making.
We all have these and they are in fact guiding our actions. However, the vast majority of us have not bothered to examine what ours are much less stop to determine if they are serving us well.
When a goal we set conflicts with a core value, belief, or another desired outcome, our brain experiences cognitive dissonance. This is a fancy way of saying our conflicting thoughts produce a feeling of discomfort.
Therefore, when our conflicting thoughts create discomfort, we will change or abandon the attitudes, beliefs or behaviors that are the easiest to change in order to reduce the discomfort and restore balance.
So if you want to increase your chances of accomplishing your goals, make sure you’re setting the right goals. Get clarity about your lifetime outcomes, your values, and your beliefs and make sure your New Year’s Resolutions are aligned with those.
You Lack a Compelling Why
[13:58]
Another way to outsmart the motivational triad is to have a compelling reason why you want to make the change. Knowing why the goal is important to achieve will help you override your instinct to avoid the inevitable discomfort produced by change.
Your prefrontal cortex, the higher, human part of your brain that is where decisions are made is capable of connecting to and being motivated by reason. And though your primitive brain will still be motivated by seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and doing so in the easiest possible way, you can only take action if your higher brain makes a decision to take the action.
Think of it like you are on a road trip. Your prefrontal cortex is the only one able to drive the car. Your body is the car. Your primitive brain is the kid in the backseat.
The kid screams: “I’m hungry! Pull over at that McDonald’s drive through right now and get me a Big Mac. It’s easy. It will taste good. And it feels painful to be hungry.”
Only the prefrontal cortex can drive the car to McDonald’s. It can either let the kid in the back seat having a tantrum influence its decision, or it can parent the tantrum throwing kid and decide to pass up the drive through and head home where the nutritious meal is waiting to be prepared.
If you don’t have a compelling reason why you shouldn’t listen to the tantrum throwing primitive brain, you’re going to give in. But if your prefrontal cortex has a well rehearsed why with which to soothe the freaked out primitive brain, you will be able to head on home and fix your healthy, pre-planned dinner.
We are going to talk more about this next week when we will address how to turn obstacles into success strategies.
You Don’t Know How to Manage Your Mind
[18:17]
As soon as you set a goal, your brain starts freaking out and giving you all kinds of evidence of why this is not a good idea to pursue.
It will tell you you don’t know how and flood your thoughts with overwhelm and confusion. If you indulge this, you’ll get consumed with all the stuff you don’t know how to do. You’ll focus on how you don’t have every step from the beginning to the end result mapped out. And you’ll spin out into overwhelm and confusion which will result in procrastination or quitting.
Your brain will then remind you of all the times in the past that you tried this or something similar and failed. Fear and self-doubt start creeping in because you’re using your past and current thinking to try to get different results.
Remember the Self-Coaching Model: Our circumstances are totally neutral. Our thoughts about those circumstances create our feelings. Our feelings drive our actions, and our actions create our results.
When we indulge in thoughts that create overwhelm, fear, and self-doubt we will inevitably default into actions, inaction, and reactions that will undermine our goals.
So you’ve got to learn the mind management strategies and tools so you can increase your awareness of what you are thinking and the results those thoughts are creating in your life. We are going to go into more detail about this throughout Season 5.
HOW CAN MAKE SURE I DON’T QUIT ON MY RESOLUTIONS?
[22:20]
If you want to be in the 9% club and accomplish your goals this year, you need to set yourself up for success. Here are a few things you can do to maximize your chances of achieving your desired results during 2019.
Learn how to manage your mind
[22:47]
If you don’t want to be at the mercy of your primitive brain and its hard-wiring to seek pleasure, avoid pain and do so with the least amount of effort, you have to learn how to operate from your prefrontal cortex.
When you can manage your mind instead of letting your brain manage you, you will join the 9% who keep their New Year’s Resolutions.
I’m planning a lot of content to help equip you to manage your mind. Tune into the rest of Season 5 on the podcast. If you haven’t subscribed to the podcast either in your favorite podcast app or via email, you’ll want to do that ASAP. I’m planning to offer some bonus episodes in 2019 and if you’re not subscribed you may miss out on those. Click here to subscribe.
You’ll also want to check out the new Coach’s Corner segments and the Live Q & A videos that I will be doing over on Facebook each week. In the Coach’s Corner video, I’ll pull out a concept, tool or strategy teach it in more detail and help you implement it.
On Fridays, I’ll be live answering your questions in The Oasis, our private Facebook group. So, if you haven’t requested to join that group, you will want to go to click here and do so.
You can watch the FB videos anytime, but the Coach’s Corner will be posted on the Agape SoulSpa public FB page on Monday mornings at 9:30 Central time and the Live Q & A will take place inside The Oasis private FB group on Friday mornings at 11:00 Central.
Set Goals Aligned with Your Values, Beliefs, and Desired Outcomes
[25:44]
We’ve already hit on this so I’m just going to remind you to get clarity about your values, beliefs and desired lifetime outcomes. If you want a solid, step-by-step process for uncovering and crafting these guiding principles for your life, I highly recommend the book Living Forward by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy.
If you set aside two days, you can work through that book and Michael Hyatt’s book on goal setting, Your Best Year. If you do that, you’ll end up with a life plan and goals for 2019 that are aligned with it.
Seek Support and Accountability
[27:17]
As humans, we are also wired for relationship. Having the right kind of people in your corner can increase your chances of success.
You want people around you who will support and encourage you but also who will hold you accountable and help you grow into the person God created you to become.
You want a support network that offers both grace and truth.
Grace gives us confidence to try hard things, get out of our comfort zone, and be willing to make mistakes in the process.
Truth makes sure we are on track, not indulging in self-destructive patterns of thinking and actions, and provides integrity to the growth process.
Consider who you are surrounding yourself with. Do you have people around you who will push you to grow, help you manage your mind, and who will love you unconditionally as you do the hard work of change?
Cultivate relationships with friends, mentors, and coaches who can provide you with the the grace and truth to help you grow into the person who achieves your goals.
And of course, I would be honored to be your coach and help you crush your 2019 goals. You can learn more about coaching with me at agapesoulspa.com/coaching.
Join Me and your SoulSpa Sisters over in The Oasis
If you have questions or comments about this episode (or anything else) you can post that in the group and I’ll address it in our Live Q & A on Fridays at 11:00 am Central. Click here to request membership in The Oasis, our private Facebook group.
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