Now that you’ve set some goals for the new year, you are probably encountering some obstacle thoughts. By that I mean all those thoughts that flood your brain that tell you why you won’t be able to accomplish your goal.
Well, this episode is going to equip you with a process you can do in about 30 minutes that will clear away those obstacles and actually get them working for you instead of against you.
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why your brain is freaking out about your goal
Have you begun to notice all the thoughts your brain is serving up to you that are working against you accomplishing your goal. Thoughts that tell you how you’re not going to be able to do what you set out to accomplish. How you’ve failed at this stuff in the past so you’re going to fail again. Stuff like that?
Those are obstacle thoughts and they are perfectly normal. They happen to everyone who is seeking to grow and change.
Obstacle thoughts are any thought that produces a result in opposition or contrast to the result you want.
So, if you plug the thought into the T line of the Model, you’ll see it is creating a feeling that drives actions that get you a result that is opposed to the result your goal is trying to achieve.
If you don’t know what The Model is, you’ll want to listen to Episode 24 of the podcast. Or click here and watch Episode 1 of The Coach’s Corner which will give you several examples of how to use The Model. Click here to request a copy of the free step-by-step guide to using The Self-Coaching Model. In the guide I teach you how to use The Model to manage your mind in order to solve your problems, achieve your goals, and enjoy a more meaningful and impactful life.
GOALs are essential for growth
[5:23]
Goals are essential to growth. They take you from where you are now to where you want to be. From who you are now to who you want to become.
Without intentionally deciding to grow, we will stagnate (and may even slip backwards).
However, as soon as you set a goal, your brain will overwhelm you with reasons why it won’t work and give you all the problems it can think of that will keep you from achieving your goal.
You’ll be hit with all the reasons it hasn’t already happened and why it’s unlikely to happen now or for that matter, ever. Your brain will do everything it can to convince you it is an impossible dream and you should just stay right where you’re at.
Nothing has gone wrong. This is just your primitive brain doing its job of trying to protect you. It is the instinctive part of your brain that kept your ancient ancestors from attempting life-endangering activities.
Just know that is this part of your brain’s job to shoot down any idea that involves change.
But, if you listened to last week’s episode, you’ll remember how I used the analogy of driving. The higher brain, our pre-frontal cortex where decisions are made, that’s the part of our brain who should be driving us. The primitive brain is the metaphorical toddler throwing a tantrum in their car seat in the backseat. We never want the primitive brain driving us. Only the rational brain gets to decide what we do.
So expect the freak out by your instinctive/habitual part of your brain and be ready for it.
When your brain shoots down your dream it feels terrible and hopeless. But when you know it’s coming and where it’s coming from, you can listen and note these thoughts but not believe them.
And this is important. If you believe the thoughts, you’ll stay stuck and not move forward.
If you listen but examine them, you’ll discover the treasure hidden within these thoughts.
WHat if you’re not having obstacle thoughts?
[9:51]
If your goal is not bringing up obstacle thoughts:
Your goal isn’t stretching you to grow; it is keeping you well within your comfort zone and thus you don’t have to become a higher version of yourself to achieve it. You’re playing small. You’re playing it safe. This won’t help you fulfill your God-given purpose and potential.
OR
You’re in fantasy land where you are not looking at your goal and your situation in a realistic way.
If you’re an overweight out of shape 50 year old who has never taken a dance class and you set a goal of being the prima ballarina of the NY ballet company, you’re in fantasy land.
We go to fantasy goals to avoiding dealing with the real problems and real callings in our lives. Hanging out in fantasy land will not really move you forward because there is no real path to reach that kind of a unicorn and rainbow kind of goal.
You’re not getting a reality check. And reality always presents obstacles.
Here are a few reasons why we start strong but bail quickly. Notice how each of these is rooted in the way our motivational triad works against us when it comes to following through on our New Year’s Resolutions.
Goals Are Achieved By Overcoming Obstacles
[12:30]
So if you’ve set the right kind of goal, you’re going to get flooded with obstacle thoughts. If you need help with setting your goals, check out Episode 4 and get the B-SMART Goal Setting guide.
Goals are achieved by overcoming the obstacles between where we are now and where we want to be when the goal is accomplished.
Your brain will serve up a litany of obstacles between your present situation and your desired future when your goal is accomplished.
The process I’m teaching you today, is going to let you uncover the treasure trove of strategies hidden within the obstacle thoughts.
We don’t want to ignore our obstacle thoughts. They actually have some useful information hidden within them. We just need to know what to do with them to get to that useful information.
5 steps to Overcome Obstacle Thoughts
[13:48]
Here is what you need to do:
Step 1: Take your thoughts captive
[18:17]
Sit down with your goals written on a piece of paper or in your journal.
Review each goal one at a time. As you contemplate your goal, your brain will march out a bunch of obstacle thoughts.
Write down your obstacle thoughts so you can examine them.
You want to do a thought download of everything your primitive brain is throwing at you. Just capture it all on paper so you can look at each on objectively.
Here’s an example of some of my obstacle thoughts I had when I was getting started back in 2013.
- I don’t know how to create a website.
- I don’t know how to create an email list
- No one will listen to what I have to say
- I don’t know enough to be helpful to others
That’s just a tiny sample, but you get the idea. Now, when I was thinking these, I thought I was just making factual observations. But as long as I was thinking these thoughts, I was not able to create a website, set up and grow an email list or communicate anything, much less something helpful, to anyone.
And the more I sat around believing these thoughts were true, the more evidence my brain offered me that they were facts and not just optional thoughts.
So as long as I believed I didn’t know enough to be helpful to others, the less I worked at trying to express what I knew and thought would be helpful. The more I believed I couldn’t create a website or set up an email list, the less action I took to try. And the inevitable result of that inaction was just more evidence that I was correct in thinking those thoughts to begin with.
I would look at the result I created with my thinking (which was a fat lot of nothing) and declare, “See, I was right. I wasn’t able to build a website, I couldn’t create an email list, I don’t have anything helpful to say and no one is listening to me.”
None of that was actually true…I just thought it was true and acted on that wrong thinking.
Because I thought it was true, I looked for evidence to prove me right.
It is kind of like when I got my new car a few years ago. I actually thought Toyota may have quit making the Four Runner because I hadn’t seen any around that time.
But once we went to CarMax and looked for an SUV, there were several Four Runners on the lot and I discovered they were still making them.
And after I bought my white Four Runner, I began seeing white Four Runners everywhere. It was like an explosion of white Four Runners.
In reality, the number of white Four Runners on the road was unchanged. What changed was my brain was now looking for them.
Same thing happens with your obstacle thoughts. You think the obstacles are reality but what is happening is your brain is filtering reality to offer you a version that confirms your thinking.
So much of our obstacle thinking is unconscious. It is stuff we’ve thought for so long without questioning it so it has become habitual. If we don’t actively manage our thinking, we will continue to strengthen our obstacle thoughts.
Be Transformed By the Renewing Of Your Mind
[19:37]
So this process is just a way we can put into action the concept Paul speaks of in Romans 12. In this part of his letter to the church at Rome, he tells them how they can live in a way that is pleasing to God and aligned with His will and which allows them to take action in the world that will make a meaningful impact for the Kingdom.
Listen to what he says in verses 1-4:
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
We honor God by offering our lives to Him, by putting the gifts, talents, blessings and life experiences He has given us into action in a way that is a blessing to others and honors God. And to do that, we must manage our minds appropriately. We can’t just conform to the pattern of this world, take the path of least resistance, and stay comfortable. We must manage our minds, take the old thoughts captive and bring in new ones that serve us better in getting our desired result of having a meaningful impact and bringing glory to God.
And that is exactly what we do to transform our obstacle thoughts into the strategies for achieving our goals.
In the example of my obstacle thoughts, I changed my thought “I don’t know how to build a website” to “I can figure out out how to build a website”. And low and behold, I figured it out. I went to work finding ways to figure it out.
When you change the thought, you will change the feeling it creates and thus the action driven by that feeling.
The process begins by taking our obstacle thoughts captive and examining them, testing them to see if they are true and if they are serving us, helping us get to our goal.
You must get those thoughts out on a piece of paper where you can see them as an objective, external thing to examine.
Sit down with your journal and review your goals one by one. When the obstacle thoughts start flooding in, write all of them down. All of them. The little ones you can dismiss as soon as you see them consciously as well as those big scary ones that seem so true, like factual observations. Get them all out on the paper.
Step 2: Run Models on Your Obstacle thoughts
[23:02]
Run each thought through a model and see what that thought creates for you.
I suggest starting with the big scary ones that seem to be the most obstructive to making forward progress…and create Models for those.
Once you have tackled the biggies, the little ones will usually fall in line.
Write out your CTFAR on your paper and put your obstacle thought in the T line. What feeling does it create? Put that in your F line. What actions does that feeling generate. Remember, that can be action, reaction, or inaction. Put what you do when you are feeling that feeling in your A line. Then consider the cumulative, overall result those actions produce. Write that in your R line.
Step 3: evaluate the result
[24:26]
Is that the result your goal is trying to achieve. Actually, it’s probably going to be the exact opposite of the goal you’re wanting to accomplish.
Once you have increased your awareness of what those thoughts are creating for you, you can decide if the thought is serving you and your pursuit of your goal.
Step 4: Create a Strategy Thought
[25:00]
If the result isn’t serving you, decide how you can change the thought to something that you resonate with, you believe 100% in your heart, and will produce a feeling that generates actions that get you your desired result. This new thought will actually end up revealing strategies and resources that will help you accomplish your goal.
Try flipping the obstacle thought to its opposite. So from “I don’t know how to do _____” to “I know how to do ___.” If that thought doesn’t feel 100% true, try adding a bridging phrase.
This is what I did in the example above. I took the thought: “I don’t know how to create a website.” and replaced the “I don’t know” with “I can figure out” and voila I had an effective intentional thought.
So try creating new thoughts by using phrases like:
- I’m learning how to do ____
- I’m becoming a person who does ____
- I’m open to believing that I can do ____
- I’m considering ways to do ___
- I’m seeking evidence that I can do ____
- Maybe I can do ____
- It’s possible that I can do ___
I’ve put these bridge phrases in the Overcome Obstacle Thoughts in 5 Simple Steps Checklist. Use this free gift to help you remember the steps of this process. Click here and tell me where to send your copy and I’ll send it right away!
Keep trying on thoughts til you find a few that work. By work I mean they instantly create a feeling that drives you to take actions that will get you your desired result.
Step 5: Practice Your Strategy Thought
[29:18]
Then practice this thought. Write it on post-its and put it on your bathroom mirror, your car dashboard, your computer screen, anyplace you’ll see it throughout your day. And anytime your brain serves up your original obstacle thought, you head it off by practicing your intentional thought instead.
As you practice your intentional thought, your brain will go to work looking for evidence that IT is true. And as it does so, it will bring forward strategies you can use to reach your goal.
When I began practicing the thought, “I can figure out how to build a website.” I began to actively seek out information about how to build a website. This gave me some initial steps to take. I didn’t have to have everything figured out all at once, I just had to practice my new thought and let my brain go to work looking for all the different resources that would help me figure it out. And what do you know, I had a website built within a few weeks.
When you renew your mind with thoughts that serve you, your brain will start to give you strategies for accomplishing your goal instead of obstacles to keep you stuck where you’re at.
Repeat for each goal
[31:26]
Repeat this process for each goal you have and each obstacle thought your brain gives you for that goal.
You Don’t Have Time NOT to Do This!
[31:36]
If you’re thinking you don’t have time to do this mind management work, let me ask you… do you have time not to do it.
What are the costs of not achieving your goal?
It doesn’t actually take that long to run through this process. Just set aside 30 minutes for each goal you are currently working on. Go through this process for just 30 minutes and you will save yourself hours of wasted time procrastinating on your goal.
You’ll clear away the thoughts that lead you to procrastinate or self-sabotage your efforts. And with a clear runway, you can take off in pursuit of your goals. You will be on your way to living out your calling and making the impact God created you to make. You will be cooperating with Him in growing you into who He has created you to become.
So, do you think that’s worth finding 30 minutes sometime this week. Just skip watching one sitcom or scrolling through social media and you can give yourself the gift of clarity and a path to your desired result cleared of obstacle thoughts.
Let Me Know How It Goes
So give this process a try with your obstacle thoughts and let me know how it works for you. And if you need help or get stuck, let me know and I’ll help you out.
Just drop me an email or visit our private facebook group post in the group. There is such a sweet group of women in the group and so you will also likely get some encouragement from your SoulSpa Sisters in addition to the response you get from me. Click here to request membership in The Oasis, our private Facebook group.
Next Week: Taming Temptations
Next week I’ll be equipping you to handle the inevitable temptations that can derail your progress toward the finish line of your goal. And no, the answer is not to have more willpower.
What i’m going to teach you next week is so much more powerful than willpower. And unlike our limited capacity to white knuckle our way through a temptation, this technique is inexhaustible. Tune in next week and learn how to tame your temptations and stamp out self-sabotage.
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