Are you dreading Thanksgiving with someone difficult? You won’t be after you hear this!
This episode builds upon the concepts I taught in Episode 24. So if you haven’t listened to that yet, you’ll get more from this episode if you hear that content first.
Our focus in Season 3 is on preparing ourselves for the holidays. However, the 7 simple steps I’ll share in this episode about how to deal with difficult people are ones you can use throughout the year. And they aren’t limited to just difficult people, either. Use these for any kind of situation you want to cruise through with less stress or negative reactions.
Be sure and get your copy of the checklist to help you implement the steps I’m teaching you in the podcast.
Discoveries Awaiting You in This Episode:
We all have people in our lives who we find challenging for one reason or another. Maybe you have a family member, friend or work associate who you think manipulates you, steamrolls you, or just plain ol’ gets on your last nerve.
How do you tend to respond or react when you are in the presence of this person? Would you like to respond differently? How?
How do you want to show up when you’re in their presence?
Dealing with Difficult People
This process will work at any time of the year with any challenging person — or any challenging situation. But since this season of the podcast is all about preparing you to experience the holiday season with less stress, worry or overwhelm, I’m going to tailor the example I use in this episode to the holidays.
We’ll look at how to handle “Overbearing Oswald” a know-it-all relative who thinks he can run your life better than you and isn’t shy about expressing that. [2:15]
2 Fundamental Concepts You Need to Know
- Your problem may seem like it’s created by Oswald and what he says, does or thinks. But actually, Oswald and anything he says or does is really not your problem. Learn what IS causing your problem with Oswald. [2:44]
- When you understand and embrace the fact that YOU—not someone or something else—are responsible for your thoughts, feelings, actions and results you are empowered to live as an emotional adult instead of an emotional child. Discover why I am certain Eleanor Roosevelt had this concept down pat and how you can too! [5:46]
- The apostle Paul also understood this concept and knew the importance of putting our childish ways behind us. He speaks to this in 1 Corinthians 13:11. Do you know what agape love is all about and why it’s the height of emotional adulthood? You will when you listen to this. [8:36]
How to Deal with Difficult People in 7 Simple Steps
- Step one is all about getting clarity about the circumstance you face and the thoughts you are having about it. Learn how to quickly sort out the facts from the story you’re telling yourself about those facts. [11:46]
- Once you have clarity about what your are currently thinking and how those thoughts make you feel and act and thus produce the results you’ve gotten in the past, you are ready for step two: identify what result you want to get this Thanksgiving. [12:40]
- Step three brings us back to some more wisdom from Paul. [13:59]
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God. (Philippians 4:6)
I share some different ways you can get the most from your prayer time as it relates to dealing with your difficult person or circumstance. I mentioned two different resources:
Topical Bibles
Use a topical Bible to find Scriptures related to your thoughts about your circumstance or the type of scenario you are facing. [14:53]
Two free online topical Bibles I use are:
I tend to try the one at OpenBible.info first as I like it’s broader search function and the ability to see a list of what other’s have searched for previously.
Ephesians 6:10-18 (The Armor of God)
These are specific spiritual and practical practices that will help you navigate your circumstances with grace. You’ll be so much more equipped to act as a loving emotional adult when you are suited up in God’s spiritual armor. [15:10]
- In step four we get all brainstormy! I’ll walk you through how to identify potential obstacles to getting the result you want and how to turn those into strategies. This step is way easier if you have an objective friend, coach or therapist to help you. Feel free to reach out and book a session if you like (new clients get first one free!). I also share some tips for doing this step on your own. [15:55]
- Step five is putting your well-thought out plan into action. I share some perspective to help you keep your cool when you take the “field” (or dining room, as the case may be). [18:10]
- Since no battle plan survives contact with the enemy, you’ll need step six. I’ll explain how to assess what’s working and how to hold space for yourself and regroup if things don’t go as planned. [19:05]
- And the final step is doing an After Action Review. Again, this one is so much more effective when you enlist the help of someone who can provide perspective. I cover why most people tend to skip this step and why you definitely don’t one to be one of those people. [20:58]
Don’t Forget a Step with This Free Checklist
I’ve made you a cheat sheet that summarizes the seven steps I’ve outlined here. You can use these seven steps with any iteration of those 4 common causes of stress we covered last week.
Want To Make it Easier On Yourself?
Book an appointment with me to coach you through this process.
Coaching, especially coaching yourself, is an art and a skill. It takes time and practice to get good at it.
If you need results NOW, then you’ll benefit from working with me to get you ready to deal with your person or situation.
New clients get the first session free, but you need to book quickly as my schedule will fill up. Click here to get on my calendar.
HELPFUL LINKS:
- If you haven’t already got your copy of The Self-Coaching Model Step-by-Step Guide, you can get it by clicking here. This will be super helpful as you move through steps 1 and 2 described in this episode.
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QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS?
SLIP INTO THE OASIS and connect with me and your SoulSpa Sisters! We’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Have questions? You can post your question in the private Facebook group and I’ll respond there. This helps both you and others who likely have the same question you do. This is also a great place to post ideas you have for podcast topics.
You can also interact with me via private message on Facebook or direct message on Instagram. And if social media isn’t your thing, feel free to reach out to me at laura@agapesoulspa.com.
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