May 24, 2018

 Small groups, especially in the church, are an awesome venue for forming precious friendships, building a support network and learning and growing. However, as we move through different seasons in our lives, our needs and preferences change. And occasionally, group dynamics can change causing it to no longer be a safe, healthy space.

So, how do you know if you should leave a group? And, if you do decide to leave, how do you leave without damaging friendships or disrupting the group? Listen and discover 5 simple steps you can take to leave well.

And if leaving turns out to be the right move, you’ll want a good exit strategy. Click here to get your Exit Strategy Roadmap to help you leave gracefully.

Discoveries Awaiting You in This Episode:

  • This uncomfortable scenario happens in all kinds of groups: it can happen in church groups,  in community organizations such as service groups, homeowner’s association committees or social groups, volunteer organizations such as at your child’s school. Where ever humans gather in groups, this phenomenon occurs.

  • Feeling a desire to leave a group doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong with the group. Many times, we need to leave simply because our needs no longer match the purpose of the group. 
  • Using this simple 5-step process can help lessen the awkwardness and avoid hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and protect relationships. 
  • How to know IF leaving is the right choice. In many cases, especially those involving conflict or hurt feelings, the first step should be to try to resolve the problem and move forward as a member of the group. 
  • When leaving, communicate directly and honestly (with graciousness) your reasons for leaving, especially to group leaders and to your friends in the group. 
  • While most group members will wish you well in your new path, some may resist your need to leave. Maintain healthy boundaries with those who attempt to lay a guilt trip on you or in some other way use manipulation or coercion to get you to change your mind.

5-Steps to a Graceful Exit

I’ve created a handy infographic to help you recall the 5-step process I share in the podcast. This roadmap will help you work through the framework so you can wisely discern the whether leaving is the right option.

If you determine a new group is in your future, use the 5-step process to map out how you’ll leave your current group without causing damage to your friendships, disrupting the group, or leaving the group members puzzled by your absence. Click here for your free Exit Strategy Roadmap!

SoulSpa Ah-ha moments:

  • Before you bolt for the door, be sure you have given yourself and the group a fair opportunity to address your concerns. 
  • Get clear about the purpose of the group and what you are needing from your participation in it. It’s not reasonable to expect a group’s purpose and structure to change just because your needs and expectations have changed.
  • If conflict or hurt feelings are at the root of your reason for wanting to leave, enlist the assistance of a neutral third party to help mediate the reconciliation process. See Philippians 4:2-3 for an example of Paul advising this approach. If you can resolve the conflict and maintain a healthy atmosphere in the group, you won’t need to leave.
  • When leaving is the appropriate course of action, leave with integrity and grace. The 5 steps outlined in the podcast will help you do so.
  • Be intentional about nurturing relationships with friends who remain in the group. Because you no longer will have the built-in time together provide by the group, you will need to be proactive in planning time to see each other.
  • Don’t drag out the departure. Unless you need to have a transition period in order for a replacement to be found to fill any leadership or functional role you occupy in the group, you should leave as soon as you have completed the first three steps of the process.
  • Setting limits and enforcing healthy boundaries is not only okay but is essential to healthy relationships. If you need some coaching on setting and maintaining healthy limits, book a free coaching session with me. Click here to check out my coaching page for more information and to book your session. 

Don’t forget…

  • DOWNLOAD your free gift:“The Exit Strategy Roadmap”. Use it to determine if you should leave a small group that is no longer working for you and if so how to leave without causing damage to your friendships. Click here and tell me where to send your copy.
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