Advent Week 4: Love
Discover how to love like God. We are taking a deeper look at a famous passage in Scripture that describes godly love: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
I think you’ll be surprised to find a very unsentimental take on just what love is.
DISCOVERIES AWAITING YOU IN THIS EPISODE:
Time codes are in the brackets so you can jump to a particular spot if you want to review something specific.
And since I know there may be times when you would prefer to read the content rather than listen, I’ve provided text below. It is not an exact transcript but it provides you the essentials.
Discover the Surprising Truth About What Godly Love Is (and Isn’t)
[0:30]
Love never fails. It may feel like you’ve fallen flat on your face sometimes, but true, godly love never fails.
It perseveres through trials of all sorts. It speaks truth even when it hurts, but it does so with grace and a heart for the best interest of the other person.
In preparation of the final week of Advent, which is focused on the theme of love, I thought it would be appropriate to dig a bit deeper into what exactly godly love is and how it is expressed.
The worldly view of loving someone is often equated with pleasing them. Not offending them. Not asking anything of them. It’s a love of convenience; of unruffled feathers.
But that’s not the way God loves and it isn’t how He calls us to love. Godly love involves equal parts truth and grace. And because of that, it won’t always mean the giver or the recipient will experience the act of giving and/or receiving godly loving as pleasant.
Love is…
[2:11]
The classic words penned by the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 are often read sentimentally. You’ve likely heard the passage read at weddings.
But today we’re going to slow down and dig into the Scripture. And as we do, we will see God is calling us to something far more than a warm fuzzy feeling.
He is calling us to love in often difficult and self-sacrificing ways for the benefit of those we love.
And our loving is rooted not in the person who is the recipient of our love. Rather, we love not because of who they are but because of who we are.
1 John 3:1 reminds us who we are:
“See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are.”
We are the image bearers and children of God. And as such we are called to love as He loves.
So how does God love?
[4:00]
Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 from the New International Version which gives a clear description of what it looks like to love as God loves:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Now, let’s break that passage down and look at each component.
Agape Love
[5:11]
First, the word translated as love is the Greek word agape. Yep, the same word I chose as part of the name for this podcast and my life coaching practice.
In English we use the word love for all kinds of types of love. I love my husband and kids, and I love my friends and my church family, and I love my new lipstick. Clearly I’m not meaning the same thing with those three uses.
The Greek language was much more specific in its terminology. And in the Scriptures, agape is used of a specific expression of love that is rooted in the identity and character of the one expressing the love rather than the object of the love. Agape is how God loves us. And He loves us in this way because of who He is.
So let’s look at the various facets of agape love.
Love is Patient
[6:35]
Patient in this context means exercising understanding and endurance with people (as opposed to difficult circumstances).
It could also be translated as longsuffering or enduring patiently as opposed to hastily getting angry and being quick to punish someone.
One of my word study dictionaries also pointed out that the original Greek term refers to having the ability to avenge oneself yet refraining from doing so.[1]
So for us that may look like being with someone who gets on our nerves but we don’t lash out at them. Instead, we manage our own mind in that circumstance so as to allow us to show up in a way that is respectful and God honoring.
Love is kind
[7:46]
The word translated as kind carries with it a willingness to help or assist. To be kind is to serve others and help them.
When you have the ability to help and the capacity to do so without dropping the ball on your own responsibilities and commitments, it is the loving thing to do.
Love does not envy or boast
[8:21]
Envy means feeling discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, or possessions.
In love, we rejoice when others do well. Doing this requires an abundance mindset as opposed to a scarcity mindset.
It is choosing to believe that “there’s more where that came from” rather than thinking there is a limited amount of blessing and if someone else is blessed there is less for me.
God is limitless in the ability to bless us. We need not begrudge someone else being blessed. There’s more where that came from…open your eyes, ears and hearts to see how God is wanting to bless you.
Look around and count your blessings instead of begrudging someone else their blessings.
When we boast, we speak with exaggeration and excessive pride, especially about ourselves.
When we feel the need to brag, to exaggerate our abilities, accomplishments and so forth, it comes from place of insecurity. We do this when we think WE are the source of those things. And when we make our accomplishments mean something about our identity.
When we lose sight of the source of our blessings, we can easily slip into boasting rather than humility.
Agape love is humble. And it isn’t a false humility.
We can be honest about our giftedness and blessings. To acknowledge that is not boasting it is just factually acknowledging how God has equipped us.
We can be confident and still be humble when we acknowledge that the source of our confidence and abilities and blessings is not ourselves but is God.
Love is not proud
[11:45]
The word proud in our language has both a positive and negative connotation. Here the Greek is more like saying, “Love is not puffed up or arrogant.”
Again, this really comes down to recognizing that we have no reason to be puffed up and full of ourselves. All good things come from above, from God (see James 1:17 ).
Love does not dishonor others
[12:16]
When we exercise godly agape love, we don’t behave in an ugly, indecent, unseemly or unbecoming manner.[2]
Can I be totally honest with you? I didn’t become a true Christian until I was in my mid twenties. By then I had a bad habit of swearing. I cussed like a sailor.
I’ve made progress on this habit, but I still cuss a bit.
But I don’t do that around people who I know it would offend. My dear friend Barbara would be horrified if I used a swear word in front of her. And so in love for her I am vigilant about not letting anything slip in front of her.
This is different than not cussing because I don’t want someone to judge me or thing bad of me. That is self-focused. What I’m talking about here is being other-focused. Honoring my friend by controlling my mouth.
And that brings us to the next facet of agape love.
Agape is not self-seeking
[14:09]
Worldly love is always striving for what is best for self. Godly love is always striving for what is best for others.
When we make decisions based on the good of others, we are exercising agape love. This doesn’t mean we have to ignore our own needs. But it calls us to prioritize considering others whenever possible.
I want you to think about when you’re on airplane. If the cabin loses air pressure, you must put your oxygen mask on yourself first before you are able to help someone else with there’s. If you don’t you will be unconscious in a matter of seconds and of no use to them…and you both could die!
But when it comes to who gets to put the elbow on the shared armrest, you defer to your seatmate.
Do you see the difference? We are to be responsible for ourselves and we then can be responsible to others. It is looking out for the best interest of others (and that doesn’t always mean we will be doing what they want us to).
If you need some help figuring out the difference between being responsible to someone and be responsible for them, book a coaching session with me and I’ll help you out with that! Click here to learn more about coaching with me.
Love is not easily angered
15:57
Now, please notice, this does not say that love never gets angry. Anger is an appropriate response to a violation. God gets angry when appropriate but He is not easily provoked to anger or indignation over little things.
Again, this is mind-management at work here. We decide to surrender to the Holy Spirit’s command to not sweat the small irritations and offenses.
Instead of flying off the handle at the first sign of offense, incompetence or whatever the circumstance, we handle up on our thoughts about the circumstance so we can interact with others in a way that is loving.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
[17:42]
This is a trickier phrase to translate. In the original it literally means to think no evil, but the words also can mean to take no account of the evil that is done to one. This word is an accounting term.
The gist of this concept is not having one’s mind occupied with counting up the wrong that has been done to you. That sounds to me like love doesn’t hold a grudge.
You can be aware of a person’s character and history of untrustworthy behavior and use discernment about how vulnerable you will be with this person. That is different from having your mind obsessed with the wrong they did to you and not being able to let it go.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.
[19:53]
The word for evil is a Greek word for injustice, what is out of harmony with what is right and true.”[3]
Agape rejoices when the appearance of something agrees with the reality of it. In other words, love has integrity.
Godly love is not happy when there is injustice and unrighteousness but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
Love Always…protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres
[20:46]
So these next few are also a little bit tricky, but it helps to recognize Paul grouped these together for a reason.
All of these actions have to do with handling difficult situations or people.
It helps to understand these if we can see the interconnectedness of these qualities. Also, remember the ultimate focus and source of these qualities is God, not necessarily the object or recipient of our agape love.
Love always protects.
[21:55]
This phrase can be translated several different ways, each capturing a little of the original meaning.
Look at some various translations and see what I mean:
- “Love quietly covers all things”[4];
- “Love bears up under anything and everything that comes;”[5]
- “love bears all things.”[6]
- The literal translation is “all things covers quietly.”[7]
Now at first glance that may sound like love covers up wrongdoing. However, if we let Scripture interpret Scripture, we know that can’t be the meaning intended here.
Earlier in this passage (and throughout the Bible) God’s Word is clear that it is not okay for there to be injustice. Rather, godly love rejoices in integrity.
So, we know that a cover-up of evil can’t be the meaning here. It is more subtle than that.
It’s more along the lines of love doesn’t drag someone’s faults out into the open and harp on them. Agape addresses sin but deals with the sin in a way which provides dignity and grace to the sinner while the sin is being dealt with.
Think about how Jesus handled the adulterous woman in John 8. He didn’t excuse or not address her sin, but he also gave her dignity and offered grace in the process of confronting the sinful behavior.
Love always trusts
[24:23]
Trust could also be translated “has faith” or “believes”. So you will see this phrase translated variously as:
- “Love believes all things,”[8] or
- “love is ever ready to believe the best of every person.”[9]
Obviously Paul is not saying that agape believes anything or is gullible. We’ve already seen how important truth is in the exercise of agape. I think it is more like, agape believes that in God all things are possible (see Matthew 19:26).
There is no situation or person beyond the ability of God to bring about change, healing and wholeness. We can trust in all situations that our sovereign God is able to accomplish His will and purposes.
It is not saying you have to trust an untrustworthy person. It is saying that you can trust God to be at work in that person’s life, conforming them to the image of Christ. (Just like He is still working to conform you to the image of Christ.)
Love always hopes
[25:06]
Love expects with desire[10]. Agape is living and loving expectantly. It is expecting the desired outcome regardless of (or even in spite of) the circumstances.
Agape places its hope not in the circumstances but in God’s ability to bring to pass that which He has said He will accomplish and what is best for us and His kingdom purposes.
Love always perseveres
[26:52]
Earlier, when we covered “love is patient” I pointed out the focus there was the kind of patience one exercises toward people. In this phrase, the concept of persevering has to do with the patience in the face of hard times.
Agape can persevere in the face of extraordinarily difficult circumstances because agape’s source of security and strength is God not the circumstances.
Check out the story I shared in Episode 28 about how Dietrich Bonhoeffer persevered.
Now, it would be easy for this concept to get twisted with regard to how one exercises agape when the difficult circumstance one faces is an abusive relationship.
I want to clarify this concept by connecting it to something we discovered about agape earlier.
When we say that apape love endures difficult circumstances this DOES NOT MEAN if you find yourself in an abusive situation you should just endure it.
No! Remember all the other aspects of what agape does and is. Abuse is out of harmony with the character and will of God.
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, I know firsthand how much perseverance it takes to get out of that scenario.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please seek out the support and counsel of knowledgeable and capable people. Seek people who can guide you with wisdom about how to handle and resolve that situation safely.
I’ve put links to some hotlines and websites below.
If someone tells you that this verse (or any other verse) means you should just endure abuse, seek wiser counsel!
So remember, agape can persevere in the face of extraordinarily difficult circumstances because agape’s source of security and strength is God not the circumstances.
The Holy Spirit in us will empower us to manage our thoughts about the circumstance so we can change the results we get in it.
Finally, love never fails
[31:05]
Agape love is never in vain. God’s kind of love never falls away or falls back in the face of opposition.[11] Love stands its ground and the effort is never in vain or without effect.
We may not see or experience the fruit of our loving action, but we can be assured that God will bring about a result.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
That is who God is and how He acts out His love for YOU! It is pretty awesome and amazing isn’t it?
Godly love is not just a sentimental Hallmark concept!
God’s nature and character are fully and completely expressed in this agape love that we’ve just described in detail. When God acts, He acts out of who He is and that action is expressed through agape love.
Don’t Lose Focus
[33:15]
We can easily lose sight of what we celebrate at Christmas.
The focus can easily become Frosty the Snowman, gift-buying, and over-indulging in special holiday treats. When that happens the hope, peace, joy, and love that flow from our Savior can fade into the background.
The world doesn’t recognize the real gift now just as it didn’t recognize it that first Christmas either.
My prayer for you is that you will experience Jesus this Christmas season, not as a religious icon, but as the very real and loving God with you.
It is my hope that you will see what great love the Father has lavished on YOU through the coming of Jesus.
When God humbled Himself and entered into our world as a helpless, poor, and vulnerable infant He showed his willingness to sacrifice his place of glory so as to be Immanuel, God with us (Matthew 1:23). And when He let the world reject Him and crucify Him, He showed the extent of His love for us.
He did on our behalf what we could not do for ourselves: pay the price of our sin. The one and only Son allowed Himself to be alienated from the Father so that we could be reconciled to the Father. That is LOVE!
May you experience and share that love this Christmas and into the new year.
And I when you love like God, you might get rejected or have your loving acts misinterpreted…just like Jesus experienced.
I found a beautiful quote from Charles Spurgeon I want to offer to you to help you know how to manage your mind when that happens:
How can I help you reach your goals next year?
[36:16]
So I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. If you have any questions or want to contribute to the discussion, please post a comment over in The Oasis, our private FB group, or shoot me an email.
I will be addressing your questions in our Friday Facebook Lives at 11:00 am Central time.
And while you’re over in the FB group, I want to encourage you to let me know what your goals are for the new year.
What support, encouragement and accountability do you need to achieve those?
Let me know so I can plan to provide that in upcoming podcast episodes and the Coach’s Corner videos I’ll be doing on Mondays on the Agape SoulSpa FB page.
Next week we will begin Season 5. In season 5, I’m going to be equipping you with some concepts to help you make 2019 your best year ever!
So I’ll see you over in the FB group! Be blessed!
Sources & Links Mentioned
Helpful Links
Here are the links I mentioned in the podcast. If you want to join The Oasis, our private Facebook group, click here.
Abuse Hotlines
If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please use these links to reach out and get help. If you feel you are in immediate danger, call 911 or your local law enforcement.
Please be aware, when accessing the following (or any website) your browsing history may be seen by your abuser. If you do not have access to a safe computer, use the hotline number and call for more information.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-7233 or on the web at https://www.thehotline.org/.
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline (US and Canada) can be reached 1-800-422-4453 (1-800-4-A-Child) or on the web at https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/ .
FOCUS Ministries is a Christian organization offering faith-based domestic violence help. Reach them at 630-617-0088 or on the web at https://www.focusministries1.org/ .
Sources:
[1] (Complete Word Study Dictionary, New Testament, Zodhiates; p. 939)
[2] Complete Word Study Dictionary, New Testament, Zodhiates; p.284
[3] Complete Word Study Dictionary, New Testament, Zodhiates; p.84-85
[4] The Interlinear Bible, Green.
[5] Amplified Bible
[6] NRSV
[7] The Interlinear Bible, Green.
[8] NRSV
[9] Amplified Bible
[10] Complete Word Study Dictionary, New Testament, Zodhiates; p.570
[11] Complete Word Study Dictionary, New Testament, Zodhiates; p.551-552